Current Music: Pie Jesu Domine
Hmmmm. It's not my old logfile at the lighthouse, but it will do. I'm finding I need a place to write down what I'm thinking...
I've grabbed a spare moment from the vigil for his holiness. God be with him. I imagine he was hanging on for easter, and once it had passed... he felt that he could go. I imagine he will (or will try) to stay long enough for all the affairs to be put in order. When the soul feels it has something left to do, it can cling on when you'd never think it was possible.
Our Lord knows I've seen it often enough.
Father, forgive me, but I could not stay any longer. I had to get away from the vigil, if only for a few minutes. Waiting for someone to die, sending prayers... it was getting too much like the old days.
What I'm supposedly getting away from.
I know I can do good here. I can make a difference.
But now, more and more, I wonder if I really want to get away. Our Saviour knows I don't miss terrorist attacks, getting shot, bio weapons, watching my loved ones hurt, moira's coffee, and other forms of misery I'm exposed to daily as a X-team member, and I appreciate the chance to do god's work without all that but...
I do miss... (forgive me!!) excitement, adventure, leaping through the air with the greatest of ease... I even miss the verdampt trenchcoats. Made me feel like... Bogie. Heh heh.
Which brings me to what I miss the most: Someone who would laugh at that joke. When I close my eyes and concentrate, I can hear Kitty laughing. I miss Katchen, so very much. I miss everyone. Logan and his foul cigars, Wanda, the lovely Ororo, Megan and her well-meaning teasing...
And then there's this vow of chastity thing. I'm not one-hundred percent sure about this vow of chastity thing.
I did have a very good easter.
I was allowed to help with the service this year, because we were so understaffed. Thankfully the regulars in the congregation took it in stride, and those only here for the service took thier cue from the preists and the rest of the congregation.
"That's just Wagner. He's got a condition, makes him look like that, and he wants to enter the service..."
There were a few frowns, a few "how dare he" but for the most part... if they didn't like it, they stayed away.
Oh! and there was one little girl, five at the most, in this easter dress, cute as anything, who developped a facination with my tail. She chased after me the entire day, and I kept having to take her back to her parents, who were mortified. But I smiled and said it was alright, I didn't mind, and... they looked thankfull. I guess they were upset because she was pestering me, not because thier daughter was with "the freak".
God be praised.
Maybe I can stay here after all.
But I'm still (Father forgive me!) bored.